I’m sorry I missed last week. I was working a soccer camp. I was leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 8pm. After the 1st full day of camp, I was driving home and realized I had not seen Hope in 28 hours. I realized she probably would be in bed by the time I got home, and I started crying while doing the math in my head. Fortunately, Hope woke up at 8:30. I got to feed her and hang out with her. That was great!
During high school soccer season, I know Wendy is going to have some 13 hour days. We were discussing a schedule for Hope so that she and Wendy will spend time together before school and after practice or games. All the planning led to a renewed anger and frustration for Wendy.
Originally, Wendy was going to take a year off from teaching. She was going to stay home with Hope and coach the high school soccer team. Now that I am unemployed, I am going to be the stay at home mom, and Wendy is going to be the bread winner. In 8+ years, that scenario was never discussed as an option. I know it will be hard for Wendy, and I am proud of her for taking on this responsibility and change of plans. When soccer season is over in November, I hope Wendy’s schedule will be more balanced with work and family.
My long term goal is for me to become self-employed and make enough money so that Wendy can be a stay at home mom with 2 kids. All the turmoil, all the broken plans, all the sacrifice will be worth it.
I am excited and scared to death of the journey I am on right now – reinventing myself. I remember watching Michelle Obama on Oprah one day. I think it was Oprah. Ms. Obama was talking about unemployment, keeping a positive attitude, and reinventing oneself at any age. She was talking about education and training and changing careers. When I watched that, I had no intention of reinventing myself, but I was intrigued by it and wondered if I could do anything like that. I also thought how unfair it was to a person or an employee who had sacrificed for a company or industry and made a career for themselves to have to do something like that. I remember Michelle Obama said this is how people can keep American society moving forward.
I could probably continue coaching soccer at some level. I would be putting myself right back in that place where I avoid personal conversations, fear being misinterpreted, and hide who I am. I am going to rise to this challenge of reinventing myself. I look at it as an opportunity, but I think one of the most difficult parts is, “Who is ever really prepared to redefine themselves?”
That’s what Wendy and I have been doing for the last week. Here is what Hope has been doing. She loves to put her fists in her mouth. She smiles and laughs more. She can lift her head up off the floor when she is laying on her tummy. She can lie on her back and roll over on her side. She can make a smacking noise with her lips. She can sleep for 8 or 9 hours at night without eating!
I have been scanning some of Wendy’s baby pictures. In my next post, I will publish these pictures so you can see how much Hope looks like a Holleman baby.